Re-Building Self Confidence
An estimated 85% of adults worldwide have struggle with low self-esteem.
I wonder, how different would our actions and their results be if we could always act from a more self-assured place?
Looking at the statistics makes me feel much less alone in my struggle but also leaves me wondering why we don’t talk about how we truly feel more often.
Silent struggle
I asked those who know me whether they think I struggle / struggled with self-confidence. The overwhelming answer was NO.
‘If only I was/had/could…’ thought loop and chase has personally never brought me higher self-confidence. And even though now at 36 I feel more confident than I ever did, check in with me in another 36 years. There were so many times in the past where I thought ‘THIS is it. This is self-confidence and I want to feel like this forever. Looking back I sure am glad I didn’t get stuck feeling that way.
While I am tempted to dissect the anatomy of self-confidence, I will stick to sharing my story which is the only discipline here I am an expert in. Most of my self-confidence journey is inextricably linked with anxiety. Ironically, I hadn't realized I had battled with anxiety until about 5 years ago when I came across Sarah Wilson’s book on the topic which helped me realize that anxiety ranges from not being able to leave the bed to high-functioning. I think I am only at the beginning of my journey of understanding the root of my low self-esteem, but as usual for me, understanding brings clarity and outlines a way forward.
Yoga for Self-Confidence that helped me
Luckily, my first brush with mindfulness came early. I started what I now know was a meditative practice for me when I was only 5 years old: music. Anxiety and low self-esteem brought me a lot of pain but I did become very good at playing the piano. ;-)
I also was and am a nerd. Since I learned to read, there has always been a book in my hand and there is rarely a time when I am not learning something. Jnana Yoga - ‘the path of knowledge’ is one of the classical paths of Hinduism.
Perhaps because of my low self-esteem, I was always in desperate search of who I am, who I am supposed to be and what is the sense of life. I first tried to find answers through organized religion, then literature, and then I had an unexpected run in with Buddhism. Though I believe it’s important not to hold on too tightly to any belief system, I find a lot of peace in Buddhist and other Yoga philosophies till this day.
Being a pianist was bringing me confidence, but it was not always the good kind. I decided to quit. But when I stopped, I didn’t realize that I am also parting ways with my anxiety coping mechanism and a year after I stopped playing, my life and mind was in turmoil. At that time, I found myself in the home countries of Buddhism and despite the fact that I was quite skeptical of anything meditation and Yoga related, by a close-to-unbelievable series of events, I found myself in a Buddhist monastery learning Vipassana meditation.
Did I find peace of mind and self-confidence then? No, I found exactly the opposite. After having a look at what’s going on in my mind, my self-confidence took its lowest dive yet. Still, it was a pivotal point in my life and I entered a dialogue with ‘myself’ that eventually put me on a path towards searching deeper for a peace of mind.
Reaching ‘True’ Self-Confidence?
The biggest turning point in my self-confidence came a few years later, when I came to the physical practice of Yoga. Specifically, when I started paying attention to my own body - it’s strengths, limitations and weaknesses.
This awareness made me realize that many of the health struggles I was having came from the way I was treating my body and mind. In turn, I started looking for the best way to fuel my body, and soon after, I also became interested and found ways to be nicer to and take care of my mind.
This time, unlike music, philosophy, or literature, I was looking for a cure, not a coping mechanism.
This is when I experienced what I believe is self-confidence for the first time ever.
As my body and mind grew healthier and stronger, my health problems started melting away one by one and whether it was from my increasing health or self-confidence, I became the most active and happy that I’ve ever been.
While my work on self-confidence is a never ending, ongoing journey, it brings me contentment and happiness that I enjoy every day.
Yoga helps us discover and believe in who we truly are.
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